Musings from the week that was October 16th through October 22nd. I will go ahead and warn you, there is some language in one or two of these musings, so if you don’t want to read, just skip to the next segment.
I hate having sick kids. As any parent will tell you, sick children are pitiful, but they are also a TON of work. I’m usually more exhausted after a day with a sick child, than I am from a typical day of work.
I knew my son was feeling better when he came up to me and said, “Daddy, I’m going to beat you up.”
My wife and I celebrated the 15th Anniversary of our first date this past week. We went to Grecian Gardens, the place of that first date. It was the 25th Anniversary of Grecian Gardens, as well.
We did not order dinner, but went straight for dessert. Catherine ordered Baklava and coffee. I ordered the chocolate cake and a glass of milk. Thank God for milk—that cake was rich and I needed every drop of that mile to wash it down.
Interestingly enough, quite a few folks watched us eat. Yes, that’s right, people, we went straight for the dessert—forget real food, give me sugars and chocolates and a tall glass of milk, oh my… oh and can you please stop staring?
I lamented a few months ago about men getting on elevators and doing stuff with their crotches. Well, it happened again. This time the gentleman was in a nice blue suit with matching tie. Most men check their hair or make sure their tie is straight. Nope, not this fellow. He went straight for his crotch, adjusting it, pushing and shoving it until it was apparently in the right place, all the while staring into the mirrored doors.
He exited the elevator a moment later and I turned to the two women that were on there with me and raised my eyebrows.
“He must have a hot date,” one of them said.
I mentioned earlier about the 15th anniversary of Catherine and my first date. We left Grecian Gardens and proceeded to go to Food Lion to get… well, milk, of course. On our way out, milk and candy corn in hand, we noticed this rather large woman. (Yes, I realize what I am about to say could be deemed insensitive, but come on…) This woman was maybe five and a half feet tall. She was also probably around 300-350 pounds. That was not the issue, though. I couldn’t care less about her weight. The issue is what she was wearing.
No, she was not wearing spandex—thankfully.
No, her shirt wasn’t too tight.
No, she was not wearing a thong, as far as I could tell. Again, thankfully…
What she wore was a green shirt that held two words on it: The Pig. (yes, I know this is in reference to Piggly Wiggly, but when you are that height and weight, you may not want to wear THAT shirt.)
Yes, I could make many jokes about this, but I don’t want to risk appearing even more insensitive about this than I already to. So, YOU can make your own jokes… Go ahead. I’ll wait…
This could be considered a T-shirt FAIL… or maybe a WIN. I’m not sure. The only thing that was missing was the Food LION…
I love this song by The Saw Doctors:
HERE IS WHERE IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY LANGUAGE YOU SHOULD SKIP ON TO THE NEXT SEGMENT…
There is an inherent difference between men and women, other than the sex organs and other significant differences. What is it, you asks?
Simple: It’s the difference of how they react after they stab you. Yes, that’s right. Don’t asks how I know this or how I came to this conclusion.
When a man stabs someone, he may feel good about it for a minute or two, but then the innate fear of what he has done kicks in. He then either flees the scene of the crime or tries to hide the body. And men are really sloppy when it comes to hiding bodies. They never quite think about everything…
However… when a woman stabs someone they’re proud of it. Not just proud but damn proud of it. And they will tell you so.
“That’s right. I stabbed your ass. What are you going to do about it? Nothing. ‘Cause I’ll stab your ass again.”
And if you are a guy and a woman stabs you, it’s worse.
“Go ahead, call the cops. I’ll tell them too. I stabbed you. Go ahead, put me in jail. When I get out, I’ll find you and stab you again. Who’s the bitch now, bitch?”
Just think about it…
With Halloween comes a new television series on AMC, The Walking Dead, based on the Graphic Novel of the same name…
One last thing and I’ll be done for now. Sue Babcock recently created a trailer for Kevin Wallis’ short story collection, Beneath the Surface of Things.
It’s a great collection. You can check it out at Amazon or go straight to Bards and Sages Publishing at: http://www.bardsandsages.com/kevinwallis
I’m done for now. Check back next week and we’ll get the ball rolling again…